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It bugs me. It BUGS me, period.

So, WHAT exactly bugs me? The “cave in” attitude that so many wedding-related vendors have! From Mindy Weiss to your average wedding planner, everybody wants the bride to give in to somebody’s else idea of her wedding.  Therefore, they start telling her “relax, something will go wrong on your wedding day”, or “choose your battles” (as in: give in to mom’s or MIL’s demands), and so forth.

Now, I don’t get it.

A wedding is a celebration of the love between TWO individuals, the ONLY two entitled to take any decision insofar the wedding itself. That encompasses how much to spend, who to invite, what to wear, how to decorate and so on. In this time of “equal opportunity” and “gender equality”, I am appalled that a category of customers can be talked by professionals into giving in to their parents.

So dear wedding-related vendors, NO the wedding isn’t about giving in, quite the contrary. The wedding planning time is a wonderful occasion to find out what a bride and a groom think about finances, friendships, music and decor. It’s the first big thing they build together, it’s about their dreams and hopes. It is NOT about the parent’s, the in-laws’, the vendors’ ideas of what a wedding is or should be. To tell it like it is, they have NO BUSINESS interfering with these decisions. All they can do is to witness the event and – possibly – take a supporting role.

And you dear wedding planners, NO, the bride isn’t a stupid woman to railroad into your idea of what a wedding is or should be. If you don’t like the bride or her idea, tell her you aren’t a fit but avoid patronizing her, or – worse – judging her dreams from the pedestal of your “professionalism”.

And, finally, you dear brides SPEAK UP. It’s time to stop being daddy’s little girl (you’re an adult, remember???), find your voice and work hard for your dreams. Who cares if your mom or your MIL pesters you to include a guest or to change color palette? JUST SAY NO rather than ranting and moaning as if your lack of assertiveness didn’t play a part in it. Have the guts and the courage to fight for what makes you happy OR stop blaming it on parents, friends and wedding-related vendors.

Btw, vendors. I don’t want to hear that “something will go wrong” unprofessional line EVER again. How many times have you heard a doctor, an engineer, a lawyer, a CPA saying “relax something will go wrong”? NEVER. And you know why? Because it’s just SO not professional.

And the saddest part is that you know it only too well.

Exactly my thoughts about the absurdity of setting a budget first and then running around asking for discounts…

…a bride can use without looking frumpy?

And the answer is: not AS MANY…. 🙂

Planning a wedding is hard enough in and of itself, but it’s harder when you have nobody to talk about. I have nobody not because my sweetheart doesn’t care but because he doesn’t love details as much as I do — and (to put it mildly) he doesn’t have much eye for style and color matching.

Therefore, driven by my despair, I joined some bridal boards. I thought other people obsessed with their wedding would like to give me input about my choices and I can do the same for them — hopefully a win-win situation.

Boy, was I wrong. In so many of these boards the only winner is conformism.

Example #1: A bride posts something like “I like this dress but I don’t know if I look good in it, can you look at the pictures and tell me?”.  And then she gets a long list of people making inane comments like “You like it, so get it” (which doesn’t answer the question), “I like your dress” (which again doesn’t answer the question), “Your FH will like it because you wear it ” (which, AGAIN, doesn’t answer the question).

Conformism 101: never crush a person’s ego. Encourage a bride to make a fool of herself looking like cr*p down the aisle but tell her how “good” she looks while being so stupid. In this situation, I say something like “I like your dress but I don’t think it flatters your body type”. Whoever thinks I’m rude, please, realize that at the moment what I’m really thinking is: “Do you miss a part of your brain or what? Look in the mirror, your belly sticks out — do you really need me to inform you of the fact?”.  So I’m actually being VERY polite, VERY gentle, and VERY considerate of other people’s feelings. I just won’t go as far as to lie for reassuring them about something that doesn’t exist.

Example #2: A bride posts a gown and asks input for accessories. It’s conformism run-a-mock, ie everybody is regurgitating the mantra of du siecle… which, in recession time is, “simple is better” JUST to conform to having less money, you know.  However, they aren’t just conforming to tighter times… they also are conforming to their own expectations. “I want everybody to agree with me”, they think, so they assume that’s what you want to hear… and they lavish you in “oh wow it’s great, you look stunning, it’s perfect, everybody will like you”. Just look at what people tell you and you’ll understand their biggest fears… so if they say “your FH will think you are gorgeous” their fear is “I’m afraid my FH will find me ugly”, if they say “everybody will approve of your choice”, their fear is “I am afraid they won’t approve of me”, and so on. To be fully honest, and in a 100% disclosure climate, my fear is to put all this effort to organize something “regular”, seen before and boring, like MOST weddings are (dare I say, especially the Pantone styled “trendy” ones!).

I strongly believe that an event needs to reflect the personality of the people who organize it. Some people are just sheep and want something (like birdcage veils) just because somebody else has it, they’ve read it’s trendy somewhere and/or they are afraid of not having it because that would make them look “different”. Well, those aren’t the weddings I’d love to organize and plan. Au contraire, I would love to help planning events that are as tacky, gross and unclassy as most weddings are BUT they are like that because the groom and the bride really like the trashy outfit, tacky decor and cheesy favors they’ve chosen, not because they’ve read somewhere that those choices are the way to go, or something.

Another thing that really bothers me, it’s the idea of the bride that the industry has. There are two brides:

  • the princess bride, who chooses girly ruffles, laces, roses, pinky dresses, AB crystals in their veil and jewelry that looks like a kid toy, who is irrational, a wishful thinker, full of resentment wrapped up in huge balls of Illusion bridal tulle, overly romantic and – usually – codep;
  • the hard*ss bride, “the cheaper the better”, who chooses geometric outfit or supersimple stuff because “the wedding is only a day in your life”, overly logical, cold, trying to impose her will and whose personality corners cut more than her rigid, no frills, straight, sword-like outfit’s.

To the former bride I say: stop. Stop thinking somebody should make you happy, and stop thinking you have no faults. You are unhappy because you don’t enforce your boundaries and because you run away from problems. Start acquiring some guts and determination and life will smile at you.

To the latter bride I say: enough. Stop thinking you are entitled to everything, stop counting what you do, stop demanding to have stuff back. You are unhappy because you totally neglect and misdirect your feelings, you rationalize them pretending to fix people and stuff. Cultivate your softer side and sweetness and life will smile at you too.

So what kind of bride do I love? I call it the pixie bride.

Pixie brides are an act of class… they have a whole secret world inside them, but they keep it hidden — only few people are allowed there. Pixie brides wear few frills and are very competent at work, but you might see a piece of their wings coming out of their sleeves, or some fairy dust sprinkled on their desktop. They wear classic outfit with romantic accessories. They have big wide eyes, which they use to watch the world — not just to dream about something. They like make-up, music, and reading. They read “important” stuff but know celebrity gossips. They are fun to be with, creative, alive. Granted, they might flood the bathroom because they forget turning off the water but who cares? They are enchanting.

Everybody and their dog knows how I love Spanish bridal fashion, and how down I usually am on Italian bridal gowns, mainly because they are fusty, old, depassè.

Today I found Fio’ Spose via Fashion Bride and I have to admit that it was a very pleasant surprise!!!

Fio' Spose F1140

Fio' Spose F117

Fio' Spose F1077

Fiorella Dell’acqua, the stylist, combines geometrical lines, romantic feel (lace, flowers) and colors in a timeless way. We’ll hear more about her in the future, I’m sure.

I’m SO HAPPY right now… I got the first draft of my invitation set:

The wonderful Kristy Rice @ Momental Designs made it. Isn’t it just great? And, it still has to be refined… WOW, WOW, WOW!

I keep on thinking: “will I freeze in my bridal attire, and what happens if I do?”. I hate to be cold…. so I’m trying to think about alternatives, and here is one from Bellenzabut it’s a silk shawl. Silk in winter???

I prefer the lovely Natalia Misslin
I like it because it’s both fluffy, stylish and cozy 🙂

I also love this vintage “chunky” shawl I saw in a real wedding at Style me pretty:

Can I order the snow for my wedding pleeeeease??? 😉

Anyway, I’d do anything to avoid a cheeky fur wrap and an even cheekier faux fur wrap! A feather wrap maybe? The Brits are great with feather wraps maybe I should look them up more seriously..