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Archive for the ‘Donts’ Category

Planning a wedding is hard enough in and of itself, but it’s harder when you have nobody to talk about. I have nobody not because my sweetheart doesn’t care but because he doesn’t love details as much as I do — and (to put it mildly) he doesn’t have much eye for style and color matching.

Therefore, driven by my despair, I joined some bridal boards. I thought other people obsessed with their wedding would like to give me input about my choices and I can do the same for them — hopefully a win-win situation.

Boy, was I wrong. In so many of these boards the only winner is conformism.

Example #1: A bride posts something like “I like this dress but I don’t know if I look good in it, can you look at the pictures and tell me?”.  And then she gets a long list of people making inane comments like “You like it, so get it” (which doesn’t answer the question), “I like your dress” (which again doesn’t answer the question), “Your FH will like it because you wear it ” (which, AGAIN, doesn’t answer the question).

Conformism 101: never crush a person’s ego. Encourage a bride to make a fool of herself looking like cr*p down the aisle but tell her how “good” she looks while being so stupid. In this situation, I say something like “I like your dress but I don’t think it flatters your body type”. Whoever thinks I’m rude, please, realize that at the moment what I’m really thinking is: “Do you miss a part of your brain or what? Look in the mirror, your belly sticks out — do you really need me to inform you of the fact?”.  So I’m actually being VERY polite, VERY gentle, and VERY considerate of other people’s feelings. I just won’t go as far as to lie for reassuring them about something that doesn’t exist.

Example #2: A bride posts a gown and asks input for accessories. It’s conformism run-a-mock, ie everybody is regurgitating the mantra of du siecle… which, in recession time is, “simple is better” JUST to conform to having less money, you know.  However, they aren’t just conforming to tighter times… they also are conforming to their own expectations. “I want everybody to agree with me”, they think, so they assume that’s what you want to hear… and they lavish you in “oh wow it’s great, you look stunning, it’s perfect, everybody will like you”. Just look at what people tell you and you’ll understand their biggest fears… so if they say “your FH will think you are gorgeous” their fear is “I’m afraid my FH will find me ugly”, if they say “everybody will approve of your choice”, their fear is “I am afraid they won’t approve of me”, and so on. To be fully honest, and in a 100% disclosure climate, my fear is to put all this effort to organize something “regular”, seen before and boring, like MOST weddings are (dare I say, especially the Pantone styled “trendy” ones!).

I strongly believe that an event needs to reflect the personality of the people who organize it. Some people are just sheep and want something (like birdcage veils) just because somebody else has it, they’ve read it’s trendy somewhere and/or they are afraid of not having it because that would make them look “different”. Well, those aren’t the weddings I’d love to organize and plan. Au contraire, I would love to help planning events that are as tacky, gross and unclassy as most weddings are BUT they are like that because the groom and the bride really like the trashy outfit, tacky decor and cheesy favors they’ve chosen, not because they’ve read somewhere that those choices are the way to go, or something.

Another thing that really bothers me, it’s the idea of the bride that the industry has. There are two brides:

  • the princess bride, who chooses girly ruffles, laces, roses, pinky dresses, AB crystals in their veil and jewelry that looks like a kid toy, who is irrational, a wishful thinker, full of resentment wrapped up in huge balls of Illusion bridal tulle, overly romantic and – usually – codep;
  • the hard*ss bride, “the cheaper the better”, who chooses geometric outfit or supersimple stuff because “the wedding is only a day in your life”, overly logical, cold, trying to impose her will and whose personality corners cut more than her rigid, no frills, straight, sword-like outfit’s.

To the former bride I say: stop. Stop thinking somebody should make you happy, and stop thinking you have no faults. You are unhappy because you don’t enforce your boundaries and because you run away from problems. Start acquiring some guts and determination and life will smile at you.

To the latter bride I say: enough. Stop thinking you are entitled to everything, stop counting what you do, stop demanding to have stuff back. You are unhappy because you totally neglect and misdirect your feelings, you rationalize them pretending to fix people and stuff. Cultivate your softer side and sweetness and life will smile at you too.

So what kind of bride do I love? I call it the pixie bride.

Pixie brides are an act of class… they have a whole secret world inside them, but they keep it hidden — only few people are allowed there. Pixie brides wear few frills and are very competent at work, but you might see a piece of their wings coming out of their sleeves, or some fairy dust sprinkled on their desktop. They wear classic outfit with romantic accessories. They have big wide eyes, which they use to watch the world — not just to dream about something. They like make-up, music, and reading. They read “important” stuff but know celebrity gossips. They are fun to be with, creative, alive. Granted, they might flood the bathroom because they forget turning off the water but who cares? They are enchanting.

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…I hate chair covers! I find them to be tacky, cheap, and – ultimately – something that only Trimalchio (and some assorted modern nouveau riche) could use and at the same time think it’s a classy act. In other was, somebody who doesn’t have taste or class and resort to “pick it up” from some magazines and opinion leader (think with your brain, brides! Not your mom’s, not your wedding  planner’s, YOURS).

Granted, despite the fact that chair covers rarely look good (especially the satin white ones), they definitely are useful and a good thing to do if the chairs you absolutely have to use are in foldable plastic. However…

Please please please consider renting nicer chairs instead.

If you don’t believe me, compare the first picture:

From Quality Chair Covers

with the second:

From Chiavari Chair Rentals

remember that there are two philosophies about weddings:
1) having a huge amount of guests, then feed them cr@p full of preservatives, food dyes, etc, give them useless favors, and pay for lots of pre-wedding parties, dinners and whatever
OR
2) having only the people you really care about and pamper them with better food and decor, cut on waste of time and meaningless “mandatory” celebrations, and – especially – have at least 10 minutes during the reception for everyone of them because people aren’t numbers and shouldn’t be treated as such!

Remember, who you are shines through your behavior. If you settle for cheap stuff and compromises, that’s what you get out of people because it’s your actions – not what you fool them into believing – that impact your reputation.

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Via Italian Lakes Wedding Planner

I love the Italian Lakes region. And I – usually – love Italian wedding planners and their sense of style.

Now I must confess… I’ve always dreamt of paying an eye of my head (that’s the Italian rendition of “an arm and a leg”) for a wedding planner who would write the name of the table up on a card mismatched with the centerpiece flowers by using a felt-tip pen in a bad calligraphy!If that’s the service I’m going to get, as a bride I would demand lowest fees and a less impressive location so that the “slip” in style isn’t THAT evident. And – just because I’m in a good mood – I’m not going to rant over the fact that pairing an uncolored candle (pure wax, that is yellowish) with a pink like that equals to retinal receptors mass suicide. The caterer on the other hand has a lot more sense of color… the WP could use some 🙂

Besides, somebody marketing a service like that as “attention to details” make me laugh (if I am in a good mood) or want to run away to a desert island (if I am in a bad mood). Either way, I often think that this wedding industry is a circus.

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