Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

Planning a wedding is hard enough in and of itself, but it’s harder when you have nobody to talk about. I have nobody not because my sweetheart doesn’t care but because he doesn’t love details as much as I do — and (to put it mildly) he doesn’t have much eye for style and color matching.

Therefore, driven by my despair, I joined some bridal boards. I thought other people obsessed with their wedding would like to give me input about my choices and I can do the same for them — hopefully a win-win situation.

Boy, was I wrong. In so many of these boards the only winner is conformism.

Example #1: A bride posts something like “I like this dress but I don’t know if I look good in it, can you look at the pictures and tell me?”.ย  And then she gets a long list of people making inane comments like “You like it, so get it” (which doesn’t answer the question), “I like your dress” (which again doesn’t answer the question), “Your FH will like it because you wear it ” (which, AGAIN, doesn’t answer the question).

Conformism 101: never crush a person’s ego. Encourage a bride to make a fool of herself looking like cr*p down the aisle but tell her how “good” she looks while being so stupid. In this situation, I say something like “I like your dress but I don’t think it flatters your body type”. Whoever thinks I’m rude, please, realize that at the moment what I’m really thinking is: “Do you miss a part of your brain or what? Look in the mirror, your belly sticks out — do you really need me to inform you of the fact?”.ย  So I’m actually being VERY polite, VERY gentle, and VERY considerate of other people’s feelings. I just won’t go as far as to lie for reassuring them about something that doesn’t exist.

Example #2: A bride posts a gown and asks input for accessories. It’s conformism run-a-mock, ie everybody is regurgitating the mantra of du siecle… which, in recession time is, “simple is better” JUST to conform to having less money, you know.ย  However, they aren’t just conforming to tighter times… they also are conforming to their own expectations. “I want everybody to agree with me”, they think, so they assume that’s what you want to hear… and they lavish you in “oh wow it’s great, you look stunning, it’s perfect, everybody will like you”. Just look at what people tell you and you’ll understand their biggest fears… so if they say “your FH will think you are gorgeous” their fear is “I’m afraid my FH will find me ugly”, if they say “everybody will approve of your choice”, their fear is “I am afraid they won’t approve of me”, and so on. To be fully honest, and in a 100% disclosure climate, my fear is to put all this effort to organize something “regular”, seen before and boring, like MOST weddings are (dare I say, especially the Pantone styled “trendy” ones!).

I strongly believe that an event needs to reflect the personality of the people who organize it. Some people are just sheep and want something (like birdcage veils) just because somebody else has it, they’ve read it’s trendy somewhere and/or they are afraid of not having it because that would make them look “different”. Well, those aren’t the weddings I’d love to organize and plan. Au contraire, I would love to help planning events that are as tacky, gross and unclassy as most weddings are BUT they are like that because the groom and the bride really like the trashy outfit, tacky decor and cheesy favors they’ve chosen, not because they’ve read somewhere that those choices are the way to go, or something.

Another thing that really bothers me, it’s the idea of the bride that the industry has. There are two brides:

  • the princess bride, who chooses girly ruffles, laces, roses, pinky dresses, AB crystals in their veil and jewelry that looks like a kid toy, who is irrational, a wishful thinker, full of resentment wrapped up in huge balls of Illusion bridal tulle, overly romantic and – usually – codep;
  • the hard*ss bride, “the cheaper the better”, who chooses geometric outfit or supersimple stuff because “the wedding is only a day in your life”, overly logical, cold, trying to impose her will and whose personality corners cut more than her rigid, no frills, straight, sword-like outfit’s.

To the former bride I say: stop. Stop thinking somebody should make you happy, and stop thinking you have no faults. You are unhappy because you don’t enforce your boundaries and because you run away from problems. Start acquiring some guts and determination and life will smile at you.

To the latter bride I say: enough. Stop thinking you are entitled to everything, stop counting what you do, stop demanding to have stuff back. You are unhappy because you totally neglect and misdirect your feelings, you rationalize them pretending to fix people and stuff. Cultivate your softer side and sweetness and life will smile at you too.

So what kind of bride do I love? I call it the pixie bride.

Pixie brides are an act of class… they have a whole secret world inside them, but they keep it hidden — only few people are allowed there. Pixie brides wear few frills and are very competent at work, but you might see a piece of their wings coming out of their sleeves, or some fairy dust sprinkled on their desktop. They wear classic outfit with romantic accessories. They have big wide eyes, which they use to watch the world — not just to dream about something. They like make-up, music, and reading. They read “important” stuff but know celebrity gossips. They are fun to be with, creative, alive. Granted, they might flood the bathroom because they forget turning off the water but who cares? They are enchanting.


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Today I was browsing all the huge amount of wedding-related blogs I read when all of a sudden I found the biggest Christmas present I could possibly hope for, this picture:

Credits: Chris Nicholls via Coco+Kelley.

This precise set of colours has been swirling around in my head for months! Now “all” that there is left to do is… figuring out the proper colour names (and pantone names, which is an entirely different animal, which often has nothing to do with the real colour) and proceed to run around in circles to get the vendors to understand that yes, I want precisely these colors, I mean REALLY, and that no, approximation is not justifiable unless an earthquake happened while they were actually mixing the colour or something like that. But above all, yes I do want a precise match. If it were for approximating the color matching process would I need a professional to scr*w it up? *grin*

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I might very well be the one and only nerd in this department, however..

I find Pantone names to be – simply put – nuts.

For example, take “blush” aka 15-1614. Well, despite the name the actual color is more like dark vintage pink. But especially it for sure isn’t the nice faded nuance we would expect when we think of “blush”.

Another example, color 12-1010 aka scallop shell. I don’t know for yourself, but I’ve never seen a scallop shell with that color.

Again, take color 16-1406 aka atmosphere. It’s actually grey. Not everybody lives in LA, y’all ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Yesterday and today I have been searching for some providers of custom bridal jewelry. In the specific I had already decided that I needed Swarovksi pearls (as opposed to natural pearls) because their color is uniform and reliable, therefore it’s easier to match and even predict the effect of the ensemble. Furthermore, I needed a silver/platinum/white gold look because gold really doesn’t look great on me (euphemism!).

I had found a bracelet I absolutely adored by when I asked for the (Canadian) manufacturer to customize it, I got a “no thanks we don’t eat kids for Christmas” answer. So I needed to find somebody else.

The first one I’d like to share is a store in the Uk. The site stated – in a very authoritative way – that their jewelry came in either “white or ivory Swarovski pearls” (note how Swarovski pearls d NOT come in any oneย  shade called ivory — there actually are three, Cream, Creamrose Light, and Creamrose) so that they could be matched to “any wedding gown”, except that you wouldn’t know how to actually get it done, because not only one couldn’t understand which one of the three shades they offered, but there was also no Swarovski pearls color chart whatsoever in their site for you to browse and pick the color. Just trust what the Big Brother thinks for you, tovarish ๐Ÿ™‚

The second store was an Italian one. It literally wondered “what jewelry can a bride wear?”. Well, dear, whatever is in her mind, for God’s sake!

All of a sudden I was reminded of why I dislike Europe so much. Too many nonsensical rules! And, as far as Italy goes, too much peer pressure.

These people need to understand that, for one, I’m not going to obey and comply with a rule that doesn’t make sense to me unless it’s a law and, for two, they can shove their beloved peer pressure up their @$$. I don’t think I’m better than them. But I do think I’m an individual and I have all the right to be myself whether they agree with me or not and whether they like what I do, think and feel or not.

Now, if only I could find a wedding planner who is onboard with this…. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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There is only one thing that is presently in a worse shape than marriage and its definition, and that thing is the wedding industry.

I’ve been trying to have some invitations done. I didn’t mean to spend a fortune, as I’m not after luxury details (such as brooches with real pearls or silk boxes). What I am after is an invitation that matches the way I am and the wedding I want. That is to say, not a pre-made invitation but also not a luxury one.

Of the many persons I’ve contacted, I got two proofs so far. One was what in Italian goes under the name of “accozzaglia”, that is a messy mix of stuff that resembles my granny’s best vegetable soup, except that it’s not nearly as tasty. The other one looked – at best – Art Deco except that the font didn’t fit, the colors didn’t either and sure at heck the feeling you would get from it is the same I got out of my goddaughter the first time she tried to put make-up on and get dressed like an adult… nice try but that’s not the way you do it.

In short: if it has to look like cr@p – well – it has to also cost like cr@p. I’m not going to pay a stationery designer for producing something I could buy in an online store at 1/3 of the price I’m charged by the designer. And no, I’m not cheap. I simply won’t accept cheesy, tacky stuff just because it’s either the norm or the person who designs the stationery fancies herself as a designer who she obviously is not.

I guess it all boils down to self-awareness. Just because I would love to be able to paint, I don’t think of myself as a painter. If I were that cr@ppy of a designer (and I am!), I wouldn’t market myself as one. End of story.

Mysteriously, the wedding industry is full of persons like that (tailors, stylists, designers, planners). They think they are something they obviously are not. But, just because they are entitled to their own delusions, it doesn’t mean I will use their services.

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