Archive for the ‘Wedding Pet-peeves’ Category

It bugs me. It BUGS me, period.

So, WHAT exactly bugs me? The “cave in” attitude that so many wedding-related vendors have! From Mindy Weiss to your average wedding planner, everybody wants the bride to give in to somebody’s else idea of her wedding.  Therefore, they start telling her “relax, something will go wrong on your wedding day”, or “choose your battles” (as in: give in to mom’s or MIL’s demands), and so forth.

Now, I don’t get it.

A wedding is a celebration of the love between TWO individuals, the ONLY two entitled to take any decision insofar the wedding itself. That encompasses how much to spend, who to invite, what to wear, how to decorate and so on. In this time of “equal opportunity” and “gender equality”, I am appalled that a category of customers can be talked by professionals into giving in to their parents.

So dear wedding-related vendors, NO the wedding isn’t about giving in, quite the contrary. The wedding planning time is a wonderful occasion to find out what a bride and a groom think about finances, friendships, music and decor. It’s the first big thing they build together, it’s about their dreams and hopes. It is NOT about the parent’s, the in-laws’, the vendors’ ideas of what a wedding is or should be. To tell it like it is, they have NO BUSINESS interfering with these decisions. All they can do is to witness the event and – possibly – take a supporting role.

And you dear wedding planners, NO, the bride isn’t a stupid woman to railroad into your idea of what a wedding is or should be. If you don’t like the bride or her idea, tell her you aren’t a fit but avoid patronizing her, or – worse – judging her dreams from the pedestal of your “professionalism”.

And, finally, you dear brides SPEAK UP. It’s time to stop being daddy’s little girl (you’re an adult, remember???), find your voice and work hard for your dreams. Who cares if your mom or your MIL pesters you to include a guest or to change color palette? JUST SAY NO rather than ranting and moaning as if your lack of assertiveness didn’t play a part in it. Have the guts and the courage to fight for what makes you happy OR stop blaming it on parents, friends and wedding-related vendors.

Btw, vendors. I don’t want to hear that “something will go wrong” unprofessional line EVER again. How many times have you heard a doctor, an engineer, a lawyer, a CPA saying “relax something will go wrong”? NEVER. And you know why? Because it’s just SO not professional.

And the saddest part is that you know it only too well.


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Planning a wedding is hard enough in and of itself, but it’s harder when you have nobody to talk about. I have nobody not because my sweetheart doesn’t care but because he doesn’t love details as much as I do — and (to put it mildly) he doesn’t have much eye for style and color matching.

Therefore, driven by my despair, I joined some bridal boards. I thought other people obsessed with their wedding would like to give me input about my choices and I can do the same for them — hopefully a win-win situation.

Boy, was I wrong. In so many of these boards the only winner is conformism.

Example #1: A bride posts something like “I like this dress but I don’t know if I look good in it, can you look at the pictures and tell me?”.  And then she gets a long list of people making inane comments like “You like it, so get it” (which doesn’t answer the question), “I like your dress” (which again doesn’t answer the question), “Your FH will like it because you wear it ” (which, AGAIN, doesn’t answer the question).

Conformism 101: never crush a person’s ego. Encourage a bride to make a fool of herself looking like cr*p down the aisle but tell her how “good” she looks while being so stupid. In this situation, I say something like “I like your dress but I don’t think it flatters your body type”. Whoever thinks I’m rude, please, realize that at the moment what I’m really thinking is: “Do you miss a part of your brain or what? Look in the mirror, your belly sticks out — do you really need me to inform you of the fact?”.  So I’m actually being VERY polite, VERY gentle, and VERY considerate of other people’s feelings. I just won’t go as far as to lie for reassuring them about something that doesn’t exist.

Example #2: A bride posts a gown and asks input for accessories. It’s conformism run-a-mock, ie everybody is regurgitating the mantra of du siecle… which, in recession time is, “simple is better” JUST to conform to having less money, you know.  However, they aren’t just conforming to tighter times… they also are conforming to their own expectations. “I want everybody to agree with me”, they think, so they assume that’s what you want to hear… and they lavish you in “oh wow it’s great, you look stunning, it’s perfect, everybody will like you”. Just look at what people tell you and you’ll understand their biggest fears… so if they say “your FH will think you are gorgeous” their fear is “I’m afraid my FH will find me ugly”, if they say “everybody will approve of your choice”, their fear is “I am afraid they won’t approve of me”, and so on. To be fully honest, and in a 100% disclosure climate, my fear is to put all this effort to organize something “regular”, seen before and boring, like MOST weddings are (dare I say, especially the Pantone styled “trendy” ones!).

I strongly believe that an event needs to reflect the personality of the people who organize it. Some people are just sheep and want something (like birdcage veils) just because somebody else has it, they’ve read it’s trendy somewhere and/or they are afraid of not having it because that would make them look “different”. Well, those aren’t the weddings I’d love to organize and plan. Au contraire, I would love to help planning events that are as tacky, gross and unclassy as most weddings are BUT they are like that because the groom and the bride really like the trashy outfit, tacky decor and cheesy favors they’ve chosen, not because they’ve read somewhere that those choices are the way to go, or something.

Another thing that really bothers me, it’s the idea of the bride that the industry has. There are two brides:

  • the princess bride, who chooses girly ruffles, laces, roses, pinky dresses, AB crystals in their veil and jewelry that looks like a kid toy, who is irrational, a wishful thinker, full of resentment wrapped up in huge balls of Illusion bridal tulle, overly romantic and – usually – codep;
  • the hard*ss bride, “the cheaper the better”, who chooses geometric outfit or supersimple stuff because “the wedding is only a day in your life”, overly logical, cold, trying to impose her will and whose personality corners cut more than her rigid, no frills, straight, sword-like outfit’s.

To the former bride I say: stop. Stop thinking somebody should make you happy, and stop thinking you have no faults. You are unhappy because you don’t enforce your boundaries and because you run away from problems. Start acquiring some guts and determination and life will smile at you.

To the latter bride I say: enough. Stop thinking you are entitled to everything, stop counting what you do, stop demanding to have stuff back. You are unhappy because you totally neglect and misdirect your feelings, you rationalize them pretending to fix people and stuff. Cultivate your softer side and sweetness and life will smile at you too.

So what kind of bride do I love? I call it the pixie bride.

Pixie brides are an act of class… they have a whole secret world inside them, but they keep it hidden — only few people are allowed there. Pixie brides wear few frills and are very competent at work, but you might see a piece of their wings coming out of their sleeves, or some fairy dust sprinkled on their desktop. They wear classic outfit with romantic accessories. They have big wide eyes, which they use to watch the world — not just to dream about something. They like make-up, music, and reading. They read “important” stuff but know celebrity gossips. They are fun to be with, creative, alive. Granted, they might flood the bathroom because they forget turning off the water but who cares? They are enchanting.

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…I hate chair covers! I find them to be tacky, cheap, and – ultimately – something that only Trimalchio (and some assorted modern nouveau riche) could use and at the same time think it’s a classy act. In other was, somebody who doesn’t have taste or class and resort to “pick it up” from some magazines and opinion leader (think with your brain, brides! Not your mom’s, not your wedding  planner’s, YOURS).

Granted, despite the fact that chair covers rarely look good (especially the satin white ones), they definitely are useful and a good thing to do if the chairs you absolutely have to use are in foldable plastic. However…

Please please please consider renting nicer chairs instead.

If you don’t believe me, compare the first picture:

From Quality Chair Covers

with the second:

From Chiavari Chair Rentals

remember that there are two philosophies about weddings:
1) having a huge amount of guests, then feed them cr@p full of preservatives, food dyes, etc, give them useless favors, and pay for lots of pre-wedding parties, dinners and whatever
2) having only the people you really care about and pamper them with better food and decor, cut on waste of time and meaningless “mandatory” celebrations, and – especially – have at least 10 minutes during the reception for everyone of them because people aren’t numbers and shouldn’t be treated as such!

Remember, who you are shines through your behavior. If you settle for cheap stuff and compromises, that’s what you get out of people because it’s your actions – not what you fool them into believing – that impact your reputation.

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Yesterday and today I have been searching for some providers of custom bridal jewelry. In the specific I had already decided that I needed Swarovksi pearls (as opposed to natural pearls) because their color is uniform and reliable, therefore it’s easier to match and even predict the effect of the ensemble. Furthermore, I needed a silver/platinum/white gold look because gold really doesn’t look great on me (euphemism!).

I had found a bracelet I absolutely adored by when I asked for the (Canadian) manufacturer to customize it, I got a “no thanks we don’t eat kids for Christmas” answer. So I needed to find somebody else.

The first one I’d like to share is a store in the Uk. The site stated – in a very authoritative way – that their jewelry came in either “white or ivory Swarovski pearls” (note how Swarovski pearls d NOT come in any one  shade called ivory — there actually are three, Cream, Creamrose Light, and Creamrose) so that they could be matched to “any wedding gown”, except that you wouldn’t know how to actually get it done, because not only one couldn’t understand which one of the three shades they offered, but there was also no Swarovski pearls color chart whatsoever in their site for you to browse and pick the color. Just trust what the Big Brother thinks for you, tovarish 🙂

The second store was an Italian one. It literally wondered “what jewelry can a bride wear?”. Well, dear, whatever is in her mind, for God’s sake!

All of a sudden I was reminded of why I dislike Europe so much. Too many nonsensical rules! And, as far as Italy goes, too much peer pressure.

These people need to understand that, for one, I’m not going to obey and comply with a rule that doesn’t make sense to me unless it’s a law and, for two, they can shove their beloved peer pressure up their @$$. I don’t think I’m better than them. But I do think I’m an individual and I have all the right to be myself whether they agree with me or not and whether they like what I do, think and feel or not.

Now, if only I could find a wedding planner who is onboard with this…. 😉

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There is only one thing that is presently in a worse shape than marriage and its definition, and that thing is the wedding industry.

I’ve been trying to have some invitations done. I didn’t mean to spend a fortune, as I’m not after luxury details (such as brooches with real pearls or silk boxes). What I am after is an invitation that matches the way I am and the wedding I want. That is to say, not a pre-made invitation but also not a luxury one.

Of the many persons I’ve contacted, I got two proofs so far. One was what in Italian goes under the name of “accozzaglia”, that is a messy mix of stuff that resembles my granny’s best vegetable soup, except that it’s not nearly as tasty. The other one looked – at best – Art Deco except that the font didn’t fit, the colors didn’t either and sure at heck the feeling you would get from it is the same I got out of my goddaughter the first time she tried to put make-up on and get dressed like an adult… nice try but that’s not the way you do it.

In short: if it has to look like cr@p – well – it has to also cost like cr@p. I’m not going to pay a stationery designer for producing something I could buy in an online store at 1/3 of the price I’m charged by the designer. And no, I’m not cheap. I simply won’t accept cheesy, tacky stuff just because it’s either the norm or the person who designs the stationery fancies herself as a designer who she obviously is not.

I guess it all boils down to self-awareness. Just because I would love to be able to paint, I don’t think of myself as a painter. If I were that cr@ppy of a designer (and I am!), I wouldn’t market myself as one. End of story.

Mysteriously, the wedding industry is full of persons like that (tailors, stylists, designers, planners). They think they are something they obviously are not. But, just because they are entitled to their own delusions, it doesn’t mean I will use their services.

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As usual, today I’m browsing wedding blogs and sites. I almost always start from Brenda’s blog because I like it so much.

Well, today I found this:

Now, I beg you to focus on the picture with the flowers and the menu. The two pinks are mismatched! As a matter of fact, the pink of the menu is more yellowish than the one of the flowers (or the flowers’ is more bluish than the invitations’ — whichever you choose). Call me a Bridezilla, but if that should happen at my wedding heads would start to roll!

What can you do to avoid color mismatch?

  1. Ask your florist whether the flowers you intend to match comes in a predictable color or not. Now, I’m well-aware that florists can not predict the color of the flowers they get as if they had a Pantone swatch of it, I concede that. However, they rarely tell you whether a flower’s color is predictable or not, or how much variation there is between the different samples of the “same” flower. This is something to definitely ask your florist about, possibly before you decide on the flowers! As an example, flowers like Sahara roses (which I adore) can be hard to match because they come in different shades (pink, peach, beige — no two roses have the same shade). But, by the same token, are ideal when you plan a tone-on-tone wedding (the so called “all white wedding” which I found out isn’t so white, because it can have all sorts  of shades, from off-white, to ivory, to blush pink, to light champagne, to oyster, light sand, etc).
  2. Choose your wedding stationery after choosing the flowers, so that the match is more accurate. If you find out that the match is not that accurate, do NOT display it close to the mismatched flowers!!!
  3. Consider hiring a light designer (or consulting with one). Light can be used to either uniform colors (thereby reducing the chance of detecting a possible color mismatch)  or to enhance color contrast (which you could need if you’re going through the “modern wedding” route). Be aware of it and use this information to your own advantage.

And remember, just because you are on a budget it doesn’t mean you have to set for mismatched colors, as I see happening so often. The sense of color of your wedding planner does NOT depend on how much you pay her, so she should definitely be able to do a precise match, or advise you on how to get it done. At risk of repeating myself: do not tolerate a sense of color that is off only because you’re on a budget or else your ceremony and reception will look tacky and cheap! And nobody wants to look cheap, no matter how tight the budget is.

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It’s really cute to see a couple who thinks out of the box, even for a vintage glam wedding…. so here’s Tiphany and Jamie Part I and Part II via The Bride’s Cafe.

It’s always cute to see the bridesmaid’s dresses to actually look similar to the bride’s….

and I’m well-aware it’s a major pet-peeve of mine, but I hate it when the cut, color and fabric of the bridal party is totally different from the bride’s.

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